My niece who is 4 and autistic has stayed over the whole week. I haven't been here to watch over my dog but I know I am protective of her. It might be bad to say but I would pick my dog over my niece any day.
My niece is over powering but I make it clear to her how to handle a dog. Especially my elderly dog. But she ignores and my mother encourages it saying she's just playing.
I cannot bare to see my dog upset, especially if her tail is tucked and she is looking for a chance to escape. So I politely tell my niece to stop pushing my dog and trying to flatten her and to let her be on her own when she's on her cushion. She ignored so I told her to please leave my room and she refused. So I lifted her up and took her out of the room and shut my door. Of course she starts screaming and winging and my mother comes yelling telling me I am selfish and she's played alright with her the whole week without me.
I feel upset as my mother obviously cannot read a dogs emotions. My niece is going home today. I don't know how to deal with her staying over though when I'm not here in the day other times.
Any advice?
Answer
Mike:
Your mother needs to wise up and stop your niece harassing the dog.The
dog could lose patience and bite your niece if provoked too far. Do make
sure you can Lock your room when you are not there, such that your
niece cannot get to your dog.We know that 3 and 4 yr old children
without autism are not good with pets and must be supervised. If your
mother can't supervise then you need to find another place for your dog
to stay while you are at work.
Calypso:
This situation as it stands is only going to end in one way. The dog is eventually going to bite the child.
The only way to ensure that your dog has a quality of life and that it does not bite the child is to keep them separated unless you are there personally to supervise. Clearly your mom does NOT supervise, and thinks of the dog as nothing more than a stuffed animal. That is very stupid and ignorant of your mother, and I'm sorry to insult her like that, but you cannot fix stupid. You have to take this situation into your own hands - because if your dog bites your niece on the face and gives her scars, you know your mom is going to blame YOU!!!!
Have you spoken to the parent/s of your niece? I would speak with them about it. Let them know your mother sees no problem allowing the child and dog together unsupervised. Let them know that if you were home you would NEVER allow that to happen (dog stays in a separate room from the child at all times) but you cannot control your mother. Perhaps you can convince the parents to make a stand about this issue. This is a big problem and it cannot be ignored! (of course when you speak with them do not accuse the child, simply let them know that the child is not old enough to be left alone with a dog (which is normal for any child of her age regardless of autism or not) and that you are worried, and that you are worried, let them know you have already spoken to mom and that she has not listened to you, express concern for both the child and the dog)
And let us not forget to mention the fact that if the dog DOES bite, you may end up being SUED for medical bills. Your mother also could end up being sued for a dog bite that happens in her home. Will she be happy when her homeowners insurance goes up because of an incident? These are all points you need to consider.
Do you have a friend that can take the dog while you are at work? Or even a friend that would be willing to take the dog in until you have moved out of the house? I know it is tough to afford to live on your own, but clearly you love your dog and do not want this situation to get even worse (which it is going to if nothing changes). Perhaps you can find somewhere to board your dog while you are at work, I know my vet takes in a couple daily dog boarders (and they are not locked up or anything, just kept in the behind the desk area).
The only way to ensure that your dog has a quality of life and that it does not bite the child is to keep them separated unless you are there personally to supervise. Clearly your mom does NOT supervise, and thinks of the dog as nothing more than a stuffed animal. That is very stupid and ignorant of your mother, and I'm sorry to insult her like that, but you cannot fix stupid. You have to take this situation into your own hands - because if your dog bites your niece on the face and gives her scars, you know your mom is going to blame YOU!!!!
Have you spoken to the parent/s of your niece? I would speak with them about it. Let them know your mother sees no problem allowing the child and dog together unsupervised. Let them know that if you were home you would NEVER allow that to happen (dog stays in a separate room from the child at all times) but you cannot control your mother. Perhaps you can convince the parents to make a stand about this issue. This is a big problem and it cannot be ignored! (of course when you speak with them do not accuse the child, simply let them know that the child is not old enough to be left alone with a dog (which is normal for any child of her age regardless of autism or not) and that you are worried, and that you are worried, let them know you have already spoken to mom and that she has not listened to you, express concern for both the child and the dog)
And let us not forget to mention the fact that if the dog DOES bite, you may end up being SUED for medical bills. Your mother also could end up being sued for a dog bite that happens in her home. Will she be happy when her homeowners insurance goes up because of an incident? These are all points you need to consider.
Do you have a friend that can take the dog while you are at work? Or even a friend that would be willing to take the dog in until you have moved out of the house? I know it is tough to afford to live on your own, but clearly you love your dog and do not want this situation to get even worse (which it is going to if nothing changes). Perhaps you can find somewhere to board your dog while you are at work, I know my vet takes in a couple daily dog boarders (and they are not locked up or anything, just kept in the behind the desk area).
After
all you would be scared too if you were elderly and ill and blind and
there was always this creature poking and squashing and pulling on you!
Good luck!
Good luck!
Jojo:
Your mother needs to wise up and stop your niece harassing the dog.
The dog could lose patience and bite your niece if provoked too far.
That would be a disaster.
The dog could lose patience and bite your niece if provoked too far.
That would be a disaster.
Get a lock put on your room door and put the dog in there when you are not there and your niece is around.
Have a word with your mother and point out the dangers and show her this answer from me if she does not believe you.
It only takes a second for a frustrated dog to "turn" and bite.
Also it unfair on the dog to have to put up with unwanted attention, especially so when its old and a bit blind.
Knight:
Your responsibility to ensure active adult supervision at all times.
DO NOT LEAVE CHILDREN UNSUPERVISED IN OR AROUND ANY DOG(S). Keep them within arms' reach at all times.
Teach children how to behave properly around dogs (I doubt this child would understand proper behavior but possibly).
No dog no matter how well trained and/or socialized will put up with any abuse from a child.
Your dog maybe uncomfortable in it's older age and requires a comprehensive wellness exam if it hasn't had one in the last six months.
This exam should include a complete blood work up, urine/fecal, dental, and if indicated UTD vaccines, x-rays and an echo cardiogram. This will not excuse failure to provide proper constant supervision.
Have a serious discussion with your mother, for it this dog injures your niece both of you will be sued and the innocent dog will be euthanized.
"I told her to please leave my room and she refused." Whose the adult here? You or the four year old?
If your mother won't do anything then perhaps you'll have to board the dog out in a boarding kennel, to keep it safe from harm while you're at work or consider re-homing it with someone else.
DO NOT LEAVE CHILDREN UNSUPERVISED IN OR AROUND ANY DOG(S). Keep them within arms' reach at all times.
Teach children how to behave properly around dogs (I doubt this child would understand proper behavior but possibly).
No dog no matter how well trained and/or socialized will put up with any abuse from a child.
Your dog maybe uncomfortable in it's older age and requires a comprehensive wellness exam if it hasn't had one in the last six months.
This exam should include a complete blood work up, urine/fecal, dental, and if indicated UTD vaccines, x-rays and an echo cardiogram. This will not excuse failure to provide proper constant supervision.
Have a serious discussion with your mother, for it this dog injures your niece both of you will be sued and the innocent dog will be euthanized.
"I told her to please leave my room and she refused." Whose the adult here? You or the four year old?
If your mother won't do anything then perhaps you'll have to board the dog out in a boarding kennel, to keep it safe from harm while you're at work or consider re-homing it with someone else.
Amos:
I
totally agree with Jojo & Bentley. Do make sure you can Lock your
room when you are not there, such that your niece CANNOT get to your
dog, nor can your MOTHER override your wishes (if you live WITH her)
& open the door & let the niece IN. That means => installing
a master padlock on the door frame OR getting a special door knob &
key for the door (& installed at your expense).
Any elderly dog who is partially blind and cornered & then abused or HURT by a child (whether the child means to do so, or not) may get bitten. The majority of bites to children who end up in the ER (Emergency Room) are to the head face & neck and most are 6 years of age or YOUNGER.
Even children without Autism are NOT recommended to be around OR to HAVE a dog IN the home, until they are AT LEAST 6 years of age, because BEFORE that time, children do NOT understand CAUSE & EFFECT. No matter how often or how carefully you instruct them on HOW to treat the dog, they can't or won't comply. They do NOT understand NOT TO: Kick, yank on, climb on, pull on, tease, take food or toys away from, chase, scream or yell at (esp in high pitched voices) Not to run towards or away from the dog, Not to climb into the crate OF the dog, not to CORNER the dog, etc. All of which CAN lead to bites.
Young children often have NO IDEA what a snarl or lifted LIPS mean or even a GROWL (as a warning.) It goes right OVER their head (and if no adult sees it or stops it) and they continue whatever they are doing around or TO the DOG (like your niece) then they most likely WILL get bitten. The dog has no other way to STOP the: abuse, hurt or potential of it (if the dog is in FEAR of its well being, or life).
And families all TOO often, allow dogs ON furniture - which allows even small dogs to BE AT FACE LEVEL WITH CHILDREN. Dogs already ON furniture, may "resource guard" their spot or may not wish to be pushed over, or OFF the furniture or CORNERED by a pushy child. All of which, can ALSO lead to snapping or biting.
Please also show this to your mother. I've had to rescue more than my fair share of dogs that did not work OUT in homes - that had kids.
Any elderly dog who is partially blind and cornered & then abused or HURT by a child (whether the child means to do so, or not) may get bitten. The majority of bites to children who end up in the ER (Emergency Room) are to the head face & neck and most are 6 years of age or YOUNGER.
Even children without Autism are NOT recommended to be around OR to HAVE a dog IN the home, until they are AT LEAST 6 years of age, because BEFORE that time, children do NOT understand CAUSE & EFFECT. No matter how often or how carefully you instruct them on HOW to treat the dog, they can't or won't comply. They do NOT understand NOT TO: Kick, yank on, climb on, pull on, tease, take food or toys away from, chase, scream or yell at (esp in high pitched voices) Not to run towards or away from the dog, Not to climb into the crate OF the dog, not to CORNER the dog, etc. All of which CAN lead to bites.
Young children often have NO IDEA what a snarl or lifted LIPS mean or even a GROWL (as a warning.) It goes right OVER their head (and if no adult sees it or stops it) and they continue whatever they are doing around or TO the DOG (like your niece) then they most likely WILL get bitten. The dog has no other way to STOP the: abuse, hurt or potential of it (if the dog is in FEAR of its well being, or life).
And families all TOO often, allow dogs ON furniture - which allows even small dogs to BE AT FACE LEVEL WITH CHILDREN. Dogs already ON furniture, may "resource guard" their spot or may not wish to be pushed over, or OFF the furniture or CORNERED by a pushy child. All of which, can ALSO lead to snapping or biting.
Please also show this to your mother. I've had to rescue more than my fair share of dogs that did not work OUT in homes - that had kids.
Julia:
Have
you tried to gently explain to your niece about how your dog is special
and is easily hurt? If you have and she doesn't understand, try to see
it from her point of view: She's four, and on top of that, autistic. She
probably doesn't quite get the concept of giving pain. If worse comes
to worse, you could try putting the dog in a separate room like a porch
or your room, and let her outside every now and then.
Hope I helped!
Hope I helped!
Heat:
I'm
not quite sure if you live with your mother or, not but if you're in
your house then assert dominance to both your mother and niece. Children
cry and complain don't let them control like that; same with mothers.
I'm not sure what your dogs attitude is like though it sounds like he's
trained. 'Train' your niece like how you would your dog; Bad behavior?
say 'naha' or a sound that sounds like your telling them 'no' and if she
does well praise her and give her treats, don't forget to tell her that
she can earn treats. Good luck!
Star-Of-Darkness:
Why
do you keep allowing it? Don't say you dont since you clearly do allow
her to be abusive to the dog. When the dog bites her the dog will be put
down.
so what if she's autistic. You allow her to abuse the dog and use her being mental as an excuse. If you can't bare to see the dog upset then why do you allow the child to abuse the dog?
A crate wont stop her since she will just reach through the bars or open it and abuse the dog and it will bite her and be put down.
Put your foot down and stop allowing it
so what if she's autistic. You allow her to abuse the dog and use her being mental as an excuse. If you can't bare to see the dog upset then why do you allow the child to abuse the dog?
A crate wont stop her since she will just reach through the bars or open it and abuse the dog and it will bite her and be put down.
Put your foot down and stop allowing it
